it has been too long.

... it has been too long since, I wrote to let my thoughts flow, and to pour my heart out to this blog. I guess you can say that life got in the way, and people's lives got in the way.

Every day, I wake up out of bed, and I occasionally smile and look at the sun (if its sunny of course) and say hey, it's good to be here. Then there are the days, you just do not want to get out of bed, and you just want to curl up into a little ball, and keep the sun from shining into your eyes, and keep all the people you need to talk to away, and not have to face the world, which for me.. was sadly about everyday last week and the week before.

My feelings have been tied up in a knot and a bow, and have been put on the side because I sometimes do not want to deal with it. Instead, I feel that if I help others, my troubles will just disappear, however they never do, and people's lives are sometimes more complicated than my own.

See, I am here for those who need it, but I feel as though it is too late for those to know that I need them sometimes too. Like I have told two of my close friends, relationships are all about give and take. You give and give, but at some point you must get in return.  Life is not fair if you do not, and thus you can possibly getting the overwhelming feeling of being trampled on.. like a doormat.

Is it possible, that some people see me as the person to wipe the shit off their shoes when they walk in the door, and that thing that minimizes the damage made to white carpets. AM I the person who just sits there and will be there for you, but then never gets remotely recognized for being there. Why is it that some people who come to me and say they need a friend always end up shying away when there is something good going on in their lives, and only come when it is bad. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE A FRIEND TO ME?

Have I not shown you that I am capable of having fun and being serious at the same time. I have the quality I believe to be able to be kid like at times, and be able to act like an adult when the time comes. So tell me why cant others do the same. Why cant others stick up for other people, and why must others only always think of themselves and not anyone else?

You want to read that.. and comment, be my guest. I love talking about life, and I think having been thrust into such situations, I have come out a better smarter and more gentler person. (but on the inside I am as fiery as a beast!)

In all these terms, it boils down to .. You gave an inch, and I gave a mile.

peacelovebye

VIC of course